Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Red hearts, candy, and flowers are everywhere. It is on television, in the grocery store, and at the florist shop. Everyone has a sweetheart, but you. Heartache got you down?



If you wrote a letter to your lonely heart, I’ll bet it would look something like this:

Hello Heartache,

Seems every year at Valentine’s Day, you and I meet up for a pity party. Love is on the brain and in the heart. I feel like no one loves me. Since COVID struck, I have been out of circulation. I’m lonely. I wait for someone to come into my life, but time slips by. Here I am, still by myself. It’s as if love is a game of musical chairs, and I have been left out. If I am loved, I feel undeserving.

Thanks. 

You’re such a good listener!

Sincerely, 

You

Want a Change? Let’s rewrite the letter. It could be something like:

Dear Lonely Heart,

While you and I have been close friends for some time, change is in the works. I have felt your pain and anguish, and have reached a decision. I want something different. I want to be happy, contented, and satisfied. I realize to be loved, I need to love myself first. 

Since I don’t know what loving myself feels like, or even looks like, this will be a new adventure for both of us. I know you think it’s selfish to love myself. But I am discovering it’s the foundation of being who I truly am. It will add to my day and won’t be an extra burden.   

Loving myself is a way of being, of living unstuck. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, let’s be kind and ask, “How am I feeling right now?” Then we’ll stick around for the answer. Rather than beating myself up, I will have an attitude of curiosity and compassion to hear what’s going on inside. I am willing to listen and care about the whisper of my heart, and to keep myself company like the closest friend ever.

Thanks for helping me embrace this new way of life.

With love, 

You 

Stuck on where to start? Here are some tips:

• Put yourself at the top of your love list. So often, everyone else comes first, and you are #52 or #147 in the priority samba line. Put yourself first and see how your life flourishes. 
• Nourish your own heart. Place your hand on your heart and ask,” What is it I long for in my life? How can I best take care of me?” Listen to that answer, for it will be powerful and direct.
• Give yourself the gift of your own caring. You know best what works for you, what you need deep down inside. Be attentive and open to what comes. Then act on it.
• Keep company with yourself. Be your own best friend, not just for the second week of February but for your whole love life. You’ll thank yourself for it.
• Begin a happiness journal. Remember those fun times that warmed your heart? Write them down and relive each one, enlarging your ability to love yourself. Start appreciating who you are.
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Want to start healing that lonely heart? Having over 35 years of experience, Joan Courtney is a clinical hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. You can find more of her articles in Outdoors Southwest, published here on the Mountain. She is also a ghostwriter for bi-weekly posts inspired by her Canine Executive Officer, MacDuff.