BY JOAN COURTNEY, C.HT.

UNSTUCK LIVING

Over the past three years, a sense of loneliness seemed to be creeping about, like a low-hanging fog. We began to be content being at home. And we were disconnected from our world. What had we done?! Then I started to wonder, “Who are my people?” A list of specific individuals in this prized group began scrolling through my mind, those who have stood by me through the years. So many names and faces, bringing treasured memories. Some are close by, while others are scattered across the country. Some I’m in contact with on a weekly basis. Others? It could be six months between chit-chats, yet it feels like we just talked the day before. 

But sometimes I get wound up with work and writing, leaving little free time to invest in friendships. So, who are my “real friends?” The kind that I can be truthful with without them judging me. The kind of friend I can call anytime. The kind that has my back, even if I’m wrong. I don’t have a close-knit group of local women that I can be open and honest with right now, but I do have friends. 

But then I thought: what if I described the kind of person in my tribe, instead of particular people? Folks with specific preferences, passions, energy levels, weaknesses, and fears. My eyes began to tear up as I thought about the adjectives, thoughts, images, and words that crowded into my consciousness when I thought about what made my people mine.

• My people are thoughtful and kind. They know how to touch my heart, and seem to have the exact right words for any situation.

•  My people have a sense of humor. Life is too short to have a grim perspective. There’s always a sunny side, even on those dark days.

• They love to learn. Be it new hobbies, a different way of living, a branching off of a lifelong pursuit, a class about something that intrigued them… They are free to inspiration. 

• My people are adventurers. Their minds are open to what’s different. Some are currently traveling. (How about a trip to Vietnam for Christmas?) Others have gone places in the past, and are generous in sharing. One friend has even sailed her boat on oceans all over the world. Oh, the stories she tells!  

• My people have a zest for life. They have a buzz of energy and curiosity about them, always ready for what’s around the corner. 

• My people can feel (and show) emotions. Laughter and compassion are all part of the connection. 

• My people cherish deep conversations. They can hold the space with me in those depths, and we both come out invigorated for sharing.

• My people are accepting. They are slow to judge and quick to apologize.  

• My people value being connected to something bigger. They glow in their individual roles in this vast world.

I feel immense gratitude and respect for my people. For the love and openness we share. The history that connects us. That understood language. The belly laughs over a joke. These are my people. More are joining the ranks as I meet new folks with a sense of curiosity. The more I share, the more of my tribe I meet. You too? What a heartwarming way to make friends and expand our world! 

Joan Courtney is a clinical hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. Writing for Outdoors Southwest and other publications on the Mountain, she also ghostwrites bi-weekly posts for MacDuff, the Canine Executive Officer of Unstuck Living.