THINGS TO AVOID ON THE SKI HILL

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If you see a snowboarder in full camo, a motorcycle helmet and a go pro camera, you probably ought to just let him get in front of you.
Trust me on this one.

On the ski hill, I see things daily that you just may want to avoid while enjoying the slopes. When a snowboarder gets off the lift and he is working his hands like he is swimming in a pool -- major red flag! If he’s doing it while going down the run, pick a different path. Have you ever been on the lift with a full chair load of skiers and the one on the far left decides he needs to go right as soon as the chair reaches the unloading ramp? Make note of what that guy is wearing and steer clear. Ever heard of the Power Plow? Mostly seen in children, the Power Plow is when you look up the run and here comes a skier in a full wedge (snowplow to the lay person) coming down about 60 miles an hour. Even though they are in the wedge, they have absolutely no hope of stopping or even slowing down for that matter. If you have time, get to the edge of the run and watch so you can bear witness. How about the Texas Tuck? This is a variation on the Power Plow in which the skier -- of any age -- has ski poles and while in the wedge position, he is bent over at the waist with poles under each arm and pointing to the sky. Usually looking down at the snow -- not where he is going -- and often accompanied by a boisterous “YEE HAW!” Yeah, avoid this skier if you can as well. Sorry Texas but most of y’all can’t ski.

Of course, you do not have to be from Texas to Texas Tuck. My oldest son -- when he was about 6 years old -- was skiing in Santa Fe and attempting to perfect the maneuver. It appeared he finally had it down when he broke away from me -- in perfect form -- hit a slow sign going about 50 mph near the lift line. Never even looked up. It wasn’t pretty and he wasn’t hurt but he screamed so loud and so high pitched that dolphins at Sea World stopped for a moment and wondered what the hell was that? Seriously though, you’ve never heard a lift line full of skiers and boarders just get so quiet that you could literally hear a pin drop. That’s my boy. I put the slow sign back, brushed the snow off his clothes and we got back on the lift. The ones that remembered us gave us a pretty wide berth.

Those are a few things to avoid -- now here are a few things to not avoid. Wear a helmet. Even if you think you don’t need one because you don’t ski or ride that aggressively. I wear a helmet, not because of my ability, I wear one for the other skier’s lack of ability. You never know when you will take a tumble, better safe than sorry. When I snowboard, I also wear wrist-guards. About one third to close to half of the snowboarder injuries are related to landing on their wrists. Dress appropriately. I know I spoke of the Texas Tuck but don’t wear jeans up there. Maybe on a super sunny day but not when It’s cold or snowing. The cotton gets wet and you lose a lot of body heat.

Hydrate and eat well. You need to keep your energy up. The more tired you get, the more likely you are to fall. When I say HYDRATE, I don’t mean booze. Stay sober. If you need alcohol to have a good time on the slopes, then maybe you shouldn’t be on the slopes in the first place. Save it for the after party. One last piece of advice: Don’t force yourself to make one last run. Know your limits. I understand that you want to squeeze every bit out of your lift ticket -- you paid good money for it but better to come back and enjoy another day. There is a reason we call the last hour of the day the “witching hour.” That’s because chaos usually occurs because people tend to push it for that last run, end up crashing and sometimes getting hurt. If you do decide to make that last run, just don’t call it your last run. That’s the Goocher.

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